the_pilchard: (killer)

The Blessed Artifice

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Created on 2017-01-05 12:54:58 (#2730135), last updated 2017-09-19 (2 days ago)

18,699 comments received, 122 comments posted

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Birthdate:Mar 28
Location:United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
When I popped my head out, it was a damn dirty night, but I came out, anyway. I'd had enough of that cozy, warm, protected-but-poisoned environment. I poked some of the uterine slime out of my mouth and took my first breath. "Cold, wet, but invigorating," I thought, and lay back to let the rain wash some of the filth from me as I worked on snapping the umbilicus.

The woman wasn't going to make it. Between the heroin, the syphillis and the malnutrition, she'd served all the purpose she ever would. It was a good thing she'd dropped that garment over there. It might afford me some protection as I struck out for the lights I could see nearby. The limbs weren't working as they should yet, so it wouldn't be easy, but I was determined to survive. I had scores to settle.

As I managed to get a leg and an arm working in synch, I heard her groan. I didn't reply. What was there to say?

"Here we go," I thought, "Let the fun begin..."

If you're a child, either physically or mentally, clear off, you brat. The grown-ups are talking.

If you're of a nervous disposition, bring your teddy-bear and your incontinence pants.

If you're easily offended, hate foul language, squirm at sexual references or black out at limb-lopping or evisceration of the living, do come in. You're my ideal audience.

If you have a taste for the bizarre, tasteless, offensive or just plain mucky, I probably know you already.

If you would like to enter upon a depraved sexual odyssey with me that will ruin you for other men, women, furry toys and battery operated household appliances, forget it. I'm getting on in years and I have trouble enough servicing all the victims in my cellar.
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